H.W 55- Independent Research

Independent Research Question/Topic :

Part One:

Can the expectations your family has of you affect the relationship with your friends? Is this the cause of the ¨two sides¨of yourself ?

One thing i hear alot about is kids constantly saying what their parents want from them, the things they are expecting, how they want them to be. It can be about anything, be it school, types of friends, the people they date, anything, but what is true is that everyones parents have this idea of what there child should be, they have a dream of the great things their child will accomplish, after all they are our parents, they want whats best for us. But can this become overwhelming? Knowing that (i hope) such important peoples in our lives expect so much from us? Because from what i have heard, these expectations tend to be a bit over the top. How do we deal with the fact that our parents want so much from us? I guess the easiest solution is to put up this front, put up this mask and make them BELIEVE that what they are seeing is the true us. But then the problem rises, when do we drop this mask, do we show it to everyone? do we hide our true selves?

When it comes to family and friends many people say that this is where people have two sides to them. The one in which we please our family, and the one in which we please our friends. Honestly, its probably very rare when you hear someone say that what their parents want is exactly what their friends want from them and many times your parents might not even like who you hang out with. Again, we form this identity that fits with the people we want to hang out with, but that just bring up another question of , are these the people we want to hang out with?

Now, lets say your parents accept what you want to end up being in life, completly agree with everything you say and do, would that make it easier for us to be our one true self in front of everyone around us? Would that be a possible solution to this idea that we have two different selves. With that being said family and friends are the , i would stay, most important kinds of relationships we have. These are people that will be with us for a long time. So i guess its only logical that in away they will affect each other in either a positive or negative way.

Part Two-

Elvis-

I liked the idea you were going for. Like i said before, friendships and families are the strongest of the relationships, maybe the most important depending where in your life you are, so choosing between them is honestly one of the hardest things one can do, though i do believe , with my case anyways, family will probably come first,though i know i wont be in a situation in which i would have to choose. I like that you said you have a best friend who you consider family, theres that bond in which you know this one person is honestly your true friend, someone which ALOT of people dont have. Try changing your question from ¨how can anybody choose¨to ¨what causes one to choose¨ or maybe you can expand it to show the outcome of putting friends first : ¨what are some affects that putting friends first might have on your family life?¨ Overall your on a good start, hope it helped.

(I will do the second one soon, once my partner or someone else posts this)

Part 3 -

Possible revised Question : What are some affects expectations have on our relationships?


The first article talks about unrealistic expectations. These unrealistic expectations can be found in all our relationships , but where is it written that we MUST follow them? The article goes on to show how expectations come from ourselves, at even a young age. it also talks about how expectations, whether are directed towards us or we direct them towards others, affect us in a way in which we are self critical. Also these expectations can be due to bigger issues we might not be aware of. They go on to stay that there are realistic expectations, in which we realize that no one is perfect and we control our lives, no one elses.

http://www.improvingyourworld.com/relationships/expectations_in_friendships_and_in_romantic_relationship_001437.html

This article starts with stating the obvious, expectations will be found in any and all kinds of relationships. They go on to say that any relationship is give and take, with this being said they go on to say what not fulfilling these expectations may lead to. In romantic relationships this may be break up, friendships might end etc. They say that

In a romantic relationship expectations generally go as follows:

• Each partner expects loyalty from the other.


• Each partner expects respect and love.


• Each partner expects to be a priority.

the following are some typical expectations found in a friendship:

• That you hang out.


• That you return calls.


• That you not stab one another in the back.

I dont really agree with the whole friendships expectations, returning calls and hanging out is not what i expect, but i guess it differs per person.

http://www.stresscure.com/health/expcting.html

This article i found very interesting. On a different approach they tell us that expectations are bad for us. Stress is something we all have , and expectations can cause stress in our lives. They say we have to realize that many times these expectations aren't realistic or fair, and only then will we free ourselves and feel better. Expectations can lead to : emotional distress, relationship conflicts, job related stress, stress of raising children, and so many more. It shows us that expectations can come from many places we wouldn't think of and affect us in ways we didn't believe or know possible.